The Indian Man.....

I will say, generally speaking, Western men, specially Scandinavians are known to participate equally on the home front and do it gladly. They don't think taking care of their children, cleaning the house, dishes or cooking as mainly a woman's job but a shared responsibility.

But then again, there are those who are just like men all over the world - who have expectations from their wives/ girlfriends and what their roles are or should be. Basically we would find all kinds of men just as we would find all kinds of women. 

So, when I hear some of my Indian friends say, 'oh, he's a typical Indian man, you know,' in a particular tone of voice, almost derogatory, I look at their husbands, their sons. And wonder - what are they actually saying about their husbands and sons? 

But, personally I feel, it gets worse: when an young Indian man stands up and says - oh I used to be a typical Indian husband but I changed. And then he proceeds to point to other older Indian men and say, he told me to listen to my wife, he showed me how to wash dishes, he helped me teach my daughters football.... Then I am left with this question - were those not Indian men you just pointed out who helped you become a better husband and father? Are they not typical Indian men? So, I am left still wondering - What makes a typical Indian man? 

Why do we look down on ourselves and our Indian men? I know they are not perfect, but then again - who is perfect? 

In every society, even one as liberal and where there is much equality between sexes as the Scandinavian society, women are abused, women are raped and harassed on the roads with cat-calls and so on. And if you think its the so-called immigrant men where women seem to have a lower social standing, you are in for a shock. Its actually Norwegian men who are often the ones that call out names after women on the streets. So what is equality? The right to work equally as a man, and earn equal pay alone? Or is to be able to walk the streets as freely as any man, not judged by our dress and looks?

I am of course being harsh - I do see that there is always room for improvement. Real equality is actually mutual respect in my opinion, an understanding from your partner that, as a woman you have several responsibilities - old parents and their care, children and their progress, ones own career, making a comfortable home (shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc) for everyone. And that has nothing to do with whether you are Indian or Western. It has to do with feeling confident in your role as a partner and appreciation of one another. And its also understanding that men too have more responsibilities that they didn't have before - such as changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, parents, and their own careers too. We still expect our men to fix the car, change the tires, mow the lawn, do all the small repairs around the house etc... Don't we?

Indian men, at least in my opinion (and I know only a few men close enough and therefore my knowledge is limited), are the same as anywhere in the world. Its how we as mothers bring up our sons and daughters. And so it seems - its still the woman's responsibility.... What do we teach our sons and daughters? Back to the start.............

Have a great day friends..... 

With love and peace

Prasantha

Is it all attitude?

I am in awe!

Norway is a beautiful country, I am sure you've heard about it a dozen times. But as any country it has its ups and downs. While living here for the past 25 years, its easy for me to criticize this country on some issues and get blase about that which we initially appreciated this country.

View from our room

Today, what I wanted to tell you about this place that I am stayed at, a health resort for both physically and mentally challenged children and young adults and their families.

Its a place called Beitostølen. From the moment I arrived, I was made to feel that anything I demanded, whether it was vegetarian food, or that our medicines are stored carefully in a fridge and a specific time to collect them was not a problem. Everything could be accommodated. We were personally taken to our room, shown the important places that we would need immediately. The cook in the restaurant noted down that we were diabetic, that we were vegetarian and we were Indian. There were some cleaners in the corridor and they were cleaning away and chatting with each other. I saw a group of young people, two in wheelchairs and several sitting around in the lobby. while we were waiting to register ourselves, these youth were talking about hair and how to maintain it. After a long time, I was so happy to hear young people, whom I know have several health issues (that's why they are here in the first place) talking about simple everyday issues. It brought a smile to my face as I saw this young very beautiful girl, in a wheel chair tossing her head, letting the boys see her bountiful mane and drawing attention to herself by saying - but my hair gets ruined so easily. And of course receiving compliments to the contrary.

View from the restaurant 

The second day I was there, I took a walk with my daughter who was very ill last year and therefore qualified for this stay, paid entirely by the state for her and myself for three full weeks As I was walking with her I told her that I wish I could build such a place in India. She smiled and said, would it not be expensive? Yes it would, but as I thought more about it, I realized that it is actually easy to build a building and make sure that all the equipment etc is installed. But the beauty of the place was not the building or its setting (although that too helps in creating the total picture). It was the people who worked there.

Its all in the attitude, in my opinion. Whether you are a cleaner, doctor, nurse, cook, or the receptionist: you were important to the smooth running and in creating that relaxed atmosphere. Everyone was equal. That I realized is what makes Norway a unique place. Its how they treat all people - equally. A cleaner is not looked down on, she/he are given due importance. The nurse often has better command over the needs of a patient and guides the doctor, the receptionist knows who is in what room and what their special needs are. Of course, I have not even began to talk about the activity leaders, physiotherapists, occupational therapists and students who are under training, or the stable personnel.

So while I can build the building, I wonder if I can bring similar attitudes to the place I want to build. Will these patients be looked down on? Will the cleaner be shouted at simply because the receptionist is higher on the social ladder? Will the doctor ignore the nurses' advice simply because she is just a nurse? And the sports instructors and students, the stable persons, all of them with their important roles that make everything run so smoothly and are experts in their areas?

These are just some of my questions and thoughts. What do you think?

Love and Peace

Prasantha

Love is in the air

Happy Valentine's, dear friends.

When it comes to love, nothing has changed, since man was born he knew what that indefinable emotion is. Our need to be loved, our need to love, to care for others is the strongest emotion, in my opinion. For without love, kings would not exist, man would not stop going to war to save the lives of the people he holds dear. Without love, women would not risk their lives to bring new life into this world. With great love, there is also great sacrifice, it seems.

So, I celebrate today, just to be able to let you all know I cherish many people and on this day, I am thinking of all the people who've touched my life with love and positiveness.

I LOVE YOU!!


Honestly speaking, I never gave that sentence much importance and often even felt embarrassed saying it.... That is, until my daughter never let a day or night pass without her letting us know she loved us and waiting until we repeated it back to her... She horded her 'I love you's' like a miser.

Yet today, perhaps it has to do with age or confidence, I truly do love regardless of the other persons love for me and express it freely. Or perhaps I am no longer afraid to show that I am vulnerable, and saying I love you comes naturally to me and makes me feel stronger rather than weaker.

And I have discovered that those simple words, even when one is angry have such power to forgive, to forget ones hurt and yes, those words sometimes makes us melt and wrap our arms around the one we love and hold them close to our hearts. Action speaks louder than words, wise men say, but this one sentence, sincerely said, sometimes has all the power to make us feel humbled and make us just a little less selfish, make us willing to set aside our personal ego and pain. In any language.. :-)

Love is really all we need, to make this beautiful world of ours a better place....................

Love and Peace, my friends. Wishing everyday is a Valentine day :-)

Prasantha.

What do we teach our children?

I've been thinking a lot about boys and girls. Once, when I saw a mother hitting her son and I tried to stop her, the mother did not like me interfering. She turned around and said, "You don't know how to raise boys......... They need harsher treatment or they don't learn!"

And I started thinking, so we teach our sons that hitting is alright, violence is acceptable. An eye for an eye. And I see all around me, parents who justify their sons bad behavior or lack of consideration by saying - boys will be boys. What does that actually mean? Are boys born to be naughty? Or pull and push and that they come first- always? Are they born with those attitudes?

 It seems to me that it is we, the mothers who make that distinction. Why do we tell our boys that its alright to be aggressive, a go-getter. Its alright to be ambitious, put your job before your wife and family, its alright to go out and hangout with your buddies after work, its alright to take out your frustrations of work on your wife. After all, she's been in house all day, doing nothing - just raising the children, cleaning, cooking, all natural abilities that every woman is born with. She doesn't HAVE to work......... Let's not forget that we also teach our boys that they are privileged. It is shocking to learn that it is the so-called educated urban Indians who have increased abortions based on gender. What is all that education for, if it cannot translate into better understanding and a change in attitudes towards our girls?

And we tell our girls to be patient, wait their turn, smile even if it hurts and don't talk too much or laugh loudly. The rules on social behavior are given to our daughters even before they even have a chance to find their voices. We are even told how we should think - if you don't want to get married and serve your family, then something is wrong with you. If you cannot take care of your younger siblings, its a failing. If you wear a shorter dress, then you are shameless. If you voice your opinion, you don't know how to behave.

So in my opinion, its time to teach our sons that it makes a better world when you see women as humans like themselves. It makes for a better world when you treat another human being the way you want to be treated, irrespective of whether your are inside the home or outside....During war times and peaceful times.

Yet, as I am writing this, I seem to have more questions, and fewer answers.............

When will we change? When will we learn that all of us - man or woman, we all born to a WOMAN? Without the female form, would all of our beautiful Earth's creatures exist?

Love and Peace

Prasantha

Is everyone cut out to being an entrepreneur?

This is personal journey for me... And I ask myself these questions everyday. Perhaps those of us who are thinking of breaking out of the normal and expected mode would like to join me and together we can find the answers we are seeking..

As I look at various sites and articles by several carrier coaches, most recommend that we should quit our day and steady jobs and start for ourselves. Mostly because it is so rewarding. You will be your own boss, you will be able to decide your lifestyle and while you work hard, maybe more than in your regular job, you will still have time be at home, to play with your kids or take them to the game and so on...

Does that make sense? How can you put in more work when building your business and still have time to do all the things you love with your kids and family?

What about income? Can your family afford NOT to have a steady two-income cash flow? What do you like doing? What kind of person are you? Do you like the simple and uncomplicated? Do you like predictability? Are you happy in your current job? And even if you are not, does it give you a strong sense of security?

I believe before so many career guides tell us that the best way to have a satisfying carrier is to start our own company, spend a little time thinking about it - whether its the right choice for you. It may sometimes be easier to just find a good balance at work, be able to tell your boss where your limits are. Stand your ground.

Ideas are wonderful. Everyone should have them but if those ideas are your dreams as well, then go for it. While the uncertainty is terrible and you may feel like you are the only one in the whole world who believes in you, living out your dreams or making them a reality is a truly wonderful feeling. And you are not alone. :), it just feels like it sometimes. 

I will continue this for a little while longer. But do share your views with me.. what would you like to discuss?

Love and peace
Prasantha