What do we teach our children?

I've been thinking a lot about boys and girls. Once, when I saw a mother hitting her son and I tried to stop her, the mother did not like me interfering. She turned around and said, "You don't know how to raise boys......... They need harsher treatment or they don't learn!"

And I started thinking, so we teach our sons that hitting is alright, violence is acceptable. An eye for an eye. And I see all around me, parents who justify their sons bad behavior or lack of consideration by saying - boys will be boys. What does that actually mean? Are boys born to be naughty? Or pull and push and that they come first- always? Are they born with those attitudes?

 It seems to me that it is we, the mothers who make that distinction. Why do we tell our boys that its alright to be aggressive, a go-getter. Its alright to be ambitious, put your job before your wife and family, its alright to go out and hangout with your buddies after work, its alright to take out your frustrations of work on your wife. After all, she's been in house all day, doing nothing - just raising the children, cleaning, cooking, all natural abilities that every woman is born with. She doesn't HAVE to work......... Let's not forget that we also teach our boys that they are privileged. It is shocking to learn that it is the so-called educated urban Indians who have increased abortions based on gender. What is all that education for, if it cannot translate into better understanding and a change in attitudes towards our girls?

And we tell our girls to be patient, wait their turn, smile even if it hurts and don't talk too much or laugh loudly. The rules on social behavior are given to our daughters even before they even have a chance to find their voices. We are even told how we should think - if you don't want to get married and serve your family, then something is wrong with you. If you cannot take care of your younger siblings, its a failing. If you wear a shorter dress, then you are shameless. If you voice your opinion, you don't know how to behave.

So in my opinion, its time to teach our sons that it makes a better world when you see women as humans like themselves. It makes for a better world when you treat another human being the way you want to be treated, irrespective of whether your are inside the home or outside....During war times and peaceful times.

Yet, as I am writing this, I seem to have more questions, and fewer answers.............

When will we change? When will we learn that all of us - man or woman, we all born to a WOMAN? Without the female form, would all of our beautiful Earth's creatures exist?

Love and Peace

Prasantha

Is everyone cut out to being an entrepreneur?

This is personal journey for me... And I ask myself these questions everyday. Perhaps those of us who are thinking of breaking out of the normal and expected mode would like to join me and together we can find the answers we are seeking..

As I look at various sites and articles by several carrier coaches, most recommend that we should quit our day and steady jobs and start for ourselves. Mostly because it is so rewarding. You will be your own boss, you will be able to decide your lifestyle and while you work hard, maybe more than in your regular job, you will still have time be at home, to play with your kids or take them to the game and so on...

Does that make sense? How can you put in more work when building your business and still have time to do all the things you love with your kids and family?

What about income? Can your family afford NOT to have a steady two-income cash flow? What do you like doing? What kind of person are you? Do you like the simple and uncomplicated? Do you like predictability? Are you happy in your current job? And even if you are not, does it give you a strong sense of security?

I believe before so many career guides tell us that the best way to have a satisfying carrier is to start our own company, spend a little time thinking about it - whether its the right choice for you. It may sometimes be easier to just find a good balance at work, be able to tell your boss where your limits are. Stand your ground.

Ideas are wonderful. Everyone should have them but if those ideas are your dreams as well, then go for it. While the uncertainty is terrible and you may feel like you are the only one in the whole world who believes in you, living out your dreams or making them a reality is a truly wonderful feeling. And you are not alone. :), it just feels like it sometimes. 

I will continue this for a little while longer. But do share your views with me.. what would you like to discuss?

Love and peace
Prasantha

A Mothers letter to her daughter...........

My dearest daughter,

Time flies, really really fast. I still remember when you were born. I cried and everyone tried to reassure me that those tears were tears of joy. I suppose they were right, but I still can recall how frightened I was. As long as you were a part of me, I could protect you as I protected myself, but the moment you left my body, I realized I no longer had any control over your destiny - for good or bad. You are now an Individual......

That realization hit me hard. But not as hard as the sudden love and possessiveness I felt towards you as I held you in my arms. I always was afraid of commitment, but I realized now, as you lay peacefully unaware of my inner turmoil, that NOW I was committed, whether I liked it or not. NOW I was attached, whether I liked it or not. I was responsible for bringing you into this world, I held in my hands the power to destroy you   or make you a responsible citizen of this world, a good person.... I have tried to be humble in this Herculean task of being your mother. I don't think I have always been successful and only time will tell if I have done a good job or not.

Raising you was a pleasure; every time you ripped up one of my favorite books, I proudly showed it to  friends telling them how strong you were. Every time you broke a glass, my Waterford crystal which was a rare piece of glass, I was more concerned that you did not get hurt. Every little thing you did made me hug you, praise you, kiss you until you pushed me away..... until you became 6 years old and school started.

Then I realized that my expectations raised, along with your age. Sit properly, eat properly, don't rip your books, don't make a fuss, don't destroy the things around you, be careful.... hurry, hurry, hurry - we don't have time to play. Toys were replaced by timetables, random activities were replaced by clubs and organised sports, stick figure drawings were thrown out and you were asked to draw better. When did it all happen? Why didn't you stop me? I love you, my dearest, for absorbing all that and taking my worries for what they were - small and soon to be forgotten incidents, in the big picture.

Today, you are a grown woman, with experiences of your own. Now you see that I am not perfect but I gave you my best, yet you still love me. You stand a head taller and look down on me, yet in your eyes - I still see the awe you have for me, your mother. I am so happy to see you have grown into a brave young person, who stands up for her beliefs, who follows her heart even if it may not be what I think is best for you. People are drawn to you and your smile. Your inner beauty shines, you are stronger than I ever imagined you would be..... And I remember your words, when I said you were beautiful.

"Its alright to be beautiful, mom, but I think being smart is more important, being good to others and kind is more important". You were 5 years old. I was proud of you then, I am more proud of you now.

Maybe I didn't do such a bad job after all, considering how frightened I was..........

With all my love......
Your mom

With love and peace

Prasantha