30 January 2013

What do we teach our children?

I've been thinking a lot about boys and girls. Once, when I saw a mother hitting her son and I tried to stop her, the mother did not like me interfering. She turned around and said, "You don't know how to raise boys......... They need harsher treatment or they don't learn!"

And I started thinking, so we teach our sons that hitting is alright, violence is acceptable. An eye for an eye. And I see all around me, parents who justify their sons bad behavior or lack of consideration by saying - boys will be boys. What does that actually mean? Are boys born to be naughty? Or pull and push and that they come first- always? Are they born with those attitudes?

 It seems to me that it is we, the mothers who make that distinction. Why do we tell our boys that its alright to be aggressive, a go-getter. Its alright to be ambitious, put your job before your wife and family, its alright to go out and hangout with your buddies after work, its alright to take out your frustrations of work on your wife. After all, she's been in house all day, doing nothing - just raising the children, cleaning, cooking, all natural abilities that every woman is born with. She doesn't HAVE to work......... Let's not forget that we also teach our boys that they are privileged. It is shocking to learn that it is the so-called educated urban Indians who have increased abortions based on gender. What is all that education for, if it cannot translate into better understanding and a change in attitudes towards our girls?

And we tell our girls to be patient, wait their turn, smile even if it hurts and don't talk too much or laugh loudly. The rules on social behavior are given to our daughters even before they even have a chance to find their voices. We are even told how we should think - if you don't want to get married and serve your family, then something is wrong with you. If you cannot take care of your younger siblings, its a failing. If you wear a shorter dress, then you are shameless. If you voice your opinion, you don't know how to behave.

So in my opinion, its time to teach our sons that it makes a better world when you see women as humans like themselves. It makes for a better world when you treat another human being the way you want to be treated, irrespective of whether your are inside the home or outside....During war times and peaceful times.

Yet, as I am writing this, I seem to have more questions, and fewer answers.............

When will we change? When will we learn that all of us - man or woman, we all born to a WOMAN? Without the female form, would all of our beautiful Earth's creatures exist?

Love and Peace

Prasantha

14 January 2013

Is everyone cut out to being an entrepreneur?

This is personal journey for me... And I ask myself these questions everyday. Perhaps those of us who are thinking of breaking out of the normal and expected mode would like to join me and together we can find the answers we are seeking..

As I look at various sites and articles by several carrier coaches, most recommend that we should quit our day and steady jobs and start for ourselves. Mostly because it is so rewarding. You will be your own boss, you will be able to decide your lifestyle and while you work hard, maybe more than in your regular job, you will still have time be at home, to play with your kids or take them to the game and so on...

Does that make sense? How can you put in more work when building your business and still have time to do all the things you love with your kids and family?

What about income? Can your family afford NOT to have a steady two-income cash flow? What do you like doing? What kind of person are you? Do you like the simple and uncomplicated? Do you like predictability? Are you happy in your current job? And even if you are not, does it give you a strong sense of security?

I believe before so many career guides tell us that the best way to have a satisfying carrier is to start our own company, spend a little time thinking about it - whether its the right choice for you. It may sometimes be easier to just find a good balance at work, be able to tell your boss where your limits are. Stand your ground.

Ideas are wonderful. Everyone should have them but if those ideas are your dreams as well, then go for it. While the uncertainty is terrible and you may feel like you are the only one in the whole world who believes in you, living out your dreams or making them a reality is a truly wonderful feeling. And you are not alone. :), it just feels like it sometimes. 

I will continue this for a little while longer. But do share your views with me.. what would you like to discuss?

Love and peace
Prasantha

9 January 2013

A Mothers letter to her daughter...........

My dearest daughter,

Time flies, really really fast. I still remember when you were born. I cried and everyone tried to reassure me that those tears were tears of joy. I suppose they were right, but I still can recall how frightened I was. As long as you were a part of me, I could protect you as I protected myself, but the moment you left my body, I realized I no longer had any control over your destiny - for good or bad. You are now an Individual......

That realization hit me hard. But not as hard as the sudden love and possessiveness I felt towards you as I held you in my arms. I always was afraid of commitment, but I realized now, as you lay peacefully unaware of my inner turmoil, that NOW I was committed, whether I liked it or not. NOW I was attached, whether I liked it or not. I was responsible for bringing you into this world, I held in my hands the power to destroy you   or make you a responsible citizen of this world, a good person.... I have tried to be humble in this Herculean task of being your mother. I don't think I have always been successful and only time will tell if I have done a good job or not.

Raising you was a pleasure; every time you ripped up one of my favorite books, I proudly showed it to  friends telling them how strong you were. Every time you broke a glass, my Waterford crystal which was a rare piece of glass, I was more concerned that you did not get hurt. Every little thing you did made me hug you, praise you, kiss you until you pushed me away..... until you became 6 years old and school started.

Then I realized that my expectations raised, along with your age. Sit properly, eat properly, don't rip your books, don't make a fuss, don't destroy the things around you, be careful.... hurry, hurry, hurry - we don't have time to play. Toys were replaced by timetables, random activities were replaced by clubs and organised sports, stick figure drawings were thrown out and you were asked to draw better. When did it all happen? Why didn't you stop me? I love you, my dearest, for absorbing all that and taking my worries for what they were - small and soon to be forgotten incidents, in the big picture.

Today, you are a grown woman, with experiences of your own. Now you see that I am not perfect but I gave you my best, yet you still love me. You stand a head taller and look down on me, yet in your eyes - I still see the awe you have for me, your mother. I am so happy to see you have grown into a brave young person, who stands up for her beliefs, who follows her heart even if it may not be what I think is best for you. People are drawn to you and your smile. Your inner beauty shines, you are stronger than I ever imagined you would be..... And I remember your words, when I said you were beautiful.

"Its alright to be beautiful, mom, but I think being smart is more important, being good to others and kind is more important". You were 5 years old. I was proud of you then, I am more proud of you now.

Maybe I didn't do such a bad job after all, considering how frightened I was..........

With all my love......
Your mom

With love and peace

Prasantha 

31 December 2012

New Year Resolutions!!


New Year Resolutions!!



Every year, as far as I can remember, I have always made New Year resolutions. I still remember when my resolutions were simple -  get better grades, be good, go to every party..... As I got older, the list got harder and more complicated - find the right man and get married, have 2.5 children, get rich fast....

So this year, I have a simple list. Here is my list - what does yours look like?
  1. Appreciate the little things in life (well, you know those two carat little shiny rocks in the jewelry store - I would appreciate them for my birthday.... Hey I AM appreciating the little things in life!!!)
  2. Lose weight (what self-respecting woman NOT have that on her list?)
  3. Exercise more (I am proud of myself here, I got myself a step counter. Now all the steps I take from the sofa to the kitchen to get a snack, count. But I think its not working properly, missing a couple of numbers)
  4. Be calmer and more peaceful (but I can't help it if the people around me make it their New Year resolution to irritate me!)
  5. Be more honest (of course, all those white lies don't count)
  6. Clean out the garage and get rid of all the clutter (well, not the Masterpiece I drew when I was 3 or 4 years old. I was meaning to frame it and display it. And that dress - I looked so good in it in my college days- when I lose my weight then I will fit into it, and all that exercise equipment - I will need that to lose weight. You know what, let me keep this resolution for another time)
  7. Stop buying more than I need (Oh come on!!! Can't a girl have any fun?)
  8. Contribute to World Peace (Of course, it's all in my hands - let me try peace on the home front first)
  9. Be more environmentally conscious (exactly where was I supposed to put that empty tin again?)
  10. And finally, but not last: eat healthier (CHOCOLATE here I come! Didn't recent research show that chocolate actually makes you lose weight? And makes you happier? Now armed with my new step counter and chocolate and all those trips to the grocery store - wow, by March I would have achieved my goal, in fact several of my goals - 2, 3, 4 AND 10!)
To make me feel confident that I am on the right path, I have major companies behind me; selling me a dozen quick fixes. All I have to do is buy that new wonder pill to lose weight, or join that self help course and voila! inner peace. Or join a few health clubs - it's ALL for free in January as long as you buy a full years subscription..... The choices are too many and I don't know where to begin!

So this year, I've made up my mind - I AM JUST GOING TO BE MYSELF! With my double (or more) chins, and with all my complications and temperament, desires, wants and needs.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, my friends.

Whatever your resolutions are for this year - enjoy yourselves and laugh a lot, love freely and share. Start with sharing your resolutions for this year with me...........

With love and peace

Prasantha

13 December 2012

Christmas- my personal meaning


The festival season has started, at least in the Western hemisphere!! A flurry of activity is seen everywhere around me. I love seeing the lights, warm, spicy smells coming from the cafes, shops offering warm waffles, and the spicy drink. Even the cold somehow seems to be welcoming. From childhood we are shown pictures of snowmen and snowflakes, singing carols about sleighing in the snow. Even in India, I actually remember sitting in a hot classroom, with temperatures almost 30 deg C and making a Christmas card with a snow man made of cotton..... And of course remember the all time famous song by Bing Crosby - 'I'm dreaming of a White Christmas'?

But I digress. I said I loved Christmas. Perhaps that is not entirely true. I don't like buying presents, I don't like cutting up a tree (even if another one is planted in its place). I don't like all the over eating and then dieting roller-coaster. I don't buy into the concept that "when in Rome, do as the Romans do". My children have learnt that if they want to give presents, they had to make them themselves. They were allowed to give, but please don't bring home another angel figurine or a bubble bath that none of us will ever use! 

So, what do I love about Christmas? To tell you the truth - its an image I have. An expectation, if you will. And all because of a story that I was told by a kind-hearted nun in Ireland. 

Here is the story, perhaps she told it another way, but this is just the gist of it:

"This day, a child was born. He was to be a King among men. He was to be the son of God. He was blessed. But his birth was humble, it was in a stable, alone was his Mother, having no place to stay for the night. 

Light came however. And she was no longer alone. So, just as it was for Mother Mary, it is the same for so many people even today. No one should be lonely or hungry this day, at least on the day when a King is born.

Light a candle, place it by your window. Remember that today, when it is cold, and dark, there is still light. Let no one, young or old be alone. At least for this one night let the lonely, hungry and alone know there is light, your home warm and welcoming. Christmas is sharing of this light. 

And you don't have to be a Christian to share your kindness with others less fortunate."

And that to me, my friends, is Christmas. I felt the message in my heart and from that time onward, I still light a candle and place it by my window for the world to see that they are not alone. I make extra food - just in case. I tell the story of Christ's birth to my children, just as I tell the stories of Rama and Krishna. It is time to reflect and think about more than oneself. Every year, I wait in mild excitement - will some one who needs help knock on my door?

Enjoy the season! This season of giving. I only wish we had the same sprite all the year around :-)

What personal Christmas experiences would you like to share? I hope to hear them. Please feel free to tell me.

Love and Peace, dear friends.....

A few cards made by my younger daughter for her friends and teachers :)

Prasantha