My dearest daughter,
Time flies, really really fast. I still remember when you were born. I cried and everyone tried to reassure me that those tears were tears of joy. I suppose they were right, but I still can recall how frightened I was. As long as you were a part of me, I could protect you as I protected myself, but the moment you left my body, I realized I no longer had any control over your destiny - for good or bad. You are now an Individual......
That realization hit me hard. But not as hard as the sudden love and possessiveness I felt towards you as I held you in my arms. I always was afraid of commitment, but I realized now, as you lay peacefully unaware of my inner turmoil, that NOW I was committed, whether I liked it or not. NOW I was attached, whether I liked it or not. I was responsible for bringing you into this world, I held in my hands the power to destroy you or make you a responsible citizen of this world, a good person.... I have tried to be humble in this Herculean task of being your mother. I don't think I have always been successful and only time will tell if I have done a good job or not.
Raising you was a pleasure; every time you ripped up one of my favorite books, I proudly showed it to friends telling them how strong you were. Every time you broke a glass, my Waterford crystal which was a rare piece of glass, I was more concerned that you did not get hurt. Every little thing you did made me hug you, praise you, kiss you until you pushed me away..... until you became 6 years old and school started.
Then I realized that my expectations raised, along with your age. Sit properly, eat properly, don't rip your books, don't make a fuss, don't destroy the things around you, be careful.... hurry, hurry, hurry - we don't have time to play. Toys were replaced by timetables, random activities were replaced by clubs and organised sports, stick figure drawings were thrown out and you were asked to draw better. When did it all happen? Why didn't you stop me? I love you, my dearest, for absorbing all that and taking my worries for what they were - small and soon to be forgotten incidents, in the big picture.
Today, you are a grown woman, with experiences of your own. Now you see that I am not perfect but I gave you my best, yet you still love me. You stand a head taller and look down on me, yet in your eyes - I still see the awe you have for me, your mother. I am so happy to see you have grown into a brave young person, who stands up for her beliefs, who follows her heart even if it may not be what I think is best for you. People are drawn to you and your smile. Your inner beauty shines, you are stronger than I ever imagined you would be..... And I remember your words, when I said you were beautiful.
"Its alright to be beautiful, mom, but I think being smart is more important, being good to others and kind is more important". You were 5 years old. I was proud of you then, I am more proud of you now.
Maybe I didn't do such a bad job after all, considering how frightened I was..........
With all my love......
Your mom
Time flies, really really fast. I still remember when you were born. I cried and everyone tried to reassure me that those tears were tears of joy. I suppose they were right, but I still can recall how frightened I was. As long as you were a part of me, I could protect you as I protected myself, but the moment you left my body, I realized I no longer had any control over your destiny - for good or bad. You are now an Individual......
That realization hit me hard. But not as hard as the sudden love and possessiveness I felt towards you as I held you in my arms. I always was afraid of commitment, but I realized now, as you lay peacefully unaware of my inner turmoil, that NOW I was committed, whether I liked it or not. NOW I was attached, whether I liked it or not. I was responsible for bringing you into this world, I held in my hands the power to destroy you or make you a responsible citizen of this world, a good person.... I have tried to be humble in this Herculean task of being your mother. I don't think I have always been successful and only time will tell if I have done a good job or not.
Raising you was a pleasure; every time you ripped up one of my favorite books, I proudly showed it to friends telling them how strong you were. Every time you broke a glass, my Waterford crystal which was a rare piece of glass, I was more concerned that you did not get hurt. Every little thing you did made me hug you, praise you, kiss you until you pushed me away..... until you became 6 years old and school started.
Then I realized that my expectations raised, along with your age. Sit properly, eat properly, don't rip your books, don't make a fuss, don't destroy the things around you, be careful.... hurry, hurry, hurry - we don't have time to play. Toys were replaced by timetables, random activities were replaced by clubs and organised sports, stick figure drawings were thrown out and you were asked to draw better. When did it all happen? Why didn't you stop me? I love you, my dearest, for absorbing all that and taking my worries for what they were - small and soon to be forgotten incidents, in the big picture.
Today, you are a grown woman, with experiences of your own. Now you see that I am not perfect but I gave you my best, yet you still love me. You stand a head taller and look down on me, yet in your eyes - I still see the awe you have for me, your mother. I am so happy to see you have grown into a brave young person, who stands up for her beliefs, who follows her heart even if it may not be what I think is best for you. People are drawn to you and your smile. Your inner beauty shines, you are stronger than I ever imagined you would be..... And I remember your words, when I said you were beautiful.
"Its alright to be beautiful, mom, but I think being smart is more important, being good to others and kind is more important". You were 5 years old. I was proud of you then, I am more proud of you now.
Maybe I didn't do such a bad job after all, considering how frightened I was..........
With all my love......
Your mom
With love and peace
Prasantha
Prasantha
